wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
