I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
