did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
