8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
