The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
