p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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