You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
