I want to stick my p in your. b.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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