Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He? As in you personified your dick?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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