Sry I called you an 8
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
