had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need water and some morals
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
