i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
