Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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