i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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