Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Success! We fucked roommates!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
