I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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