I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
