Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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