I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
