Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize