i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
