Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
