now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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