Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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