Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize