i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize