Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
