the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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