I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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