trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
