They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
