He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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