if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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