"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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