If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
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