some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you never un-have a 4some
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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