I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
whose ass print is on the piano?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
