After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
