I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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