Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
