i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
