I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
