So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
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