Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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