i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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