i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
