you guys were way drunker than both of me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
