Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The air was thick with penises
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
