Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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