a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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