I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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