8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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