Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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