I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
