I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
