You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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