Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Randomize
