I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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