be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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