Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
