i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
