so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
