evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
