I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
