We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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