Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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