Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Walk of Shame today included voting.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The power of my boobs compel you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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