i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
