I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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