those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
