I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
