he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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